and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.