Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.