who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
