did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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