2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
