I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I deserve this hangover.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
