I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
