hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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