Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
