Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
