I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
