sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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