Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
