I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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