i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
