At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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