Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize