So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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