he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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