Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
