Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
