only if we run a train.
done.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I stole a fireplace last night.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
