why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
mondays should just be called national damage control day
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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