Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
