is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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