im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
