In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
my liver is dry heaving
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
