we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
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I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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