how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize