i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
we're making bets on your personal life
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
