At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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