the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I think my vagina is haunted
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
