you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
barbara walters just said penis...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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