My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Buhtt sex?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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