I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
