It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize