Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
