That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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