clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
