everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
