You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
