Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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