She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
