Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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