i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
