this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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