your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
