Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
