what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
