Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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