She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
