While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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