Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
