First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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