we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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