imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
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I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
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I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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