woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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