She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize