New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
