me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
