I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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