happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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