There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
