listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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