So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
