I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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