well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
