At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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