This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
