Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
